Long Hiatus

So, my last post was last year March! hahaha

#fail.

So much has changed and I am so much more tired and ready to BE MY OWN BOSS!

As much as I appreciate structure and making a difference in a company, I truly deeply want to be in control of my life. As I get older, my happiness mostly stems from the ability to be myself. The self-conscious, approval-seeking little me still lives. But, honestly, I think I've kinda ignored her for the most part. Partly from being exhausted from commuting to LA from OC and just working and not sleeping well. Partly from just growing older and gaining somewhat of maturity.

I will unashamedly admit that a big part of my desperate wish to gain control of my life is to set my own work schedule. I am relatively lucky right now to have somewhat of a flexible work schedule. But, I want that 4 hour work week thing. I want to be able to travel whenever wherever (which also means financial freedom).

Another reason is to really taste the fruit of my labor. Working for a boss or a company just doesn't quite give me the same satisfaction. I selfishly wish for the day when I can support myself (paying rent, buying yummy food, traveling) through my projects.

Besides Spirit Ink, I'm starting another Education Tech project with friends, while I work part-time doing Marketing for a Startup, part-time tutoring, commuting 2-3 hours a day. And I will be collaborating with my best friend on a Advice blog for early twenties professionals. BF carefully suggests that I am spreading myself too thin, to which I obviously scream "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" unreasonably. I do agree silently, but YOLO AMIRITE?

k GOTTA GO BE BUSY AND MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF (SO I TELL MYSELF).

Finally Learning To Let Go

I am basically learning to let go of relationships that aren't working.

I am that person who usually holds on to EVERY SINGLE THING.
I hesitate before throwing away receipts. I have books from elementary school. I have all the letters, report cards, cards, pictures (that I haven't tragically lost yet. I still weep for those pics that have moved on to picture heaven), etc.

The whole process of letting things go started after graduation, I guess.
I finally threw away those pesky SAT books (even though after I threw them out, I started tutoring, of course. They could have been very useful -__-).
I finally threw away high school papers.
And I finally put an end to relationships that were either one sided or just not working out.

It takes me a lot to end friendships. But, I think i'm at that point in which I am trying to better myself constantly, and that task requires me to surround myself with good people who can guide me and support me. Some people were being shitty, and I got tired of waiting around for them to come around.

I think it's just damn time for me to say my goodbye's and move the fuck on with my life because I really deserve better.

Bye!

Done: Start a business

Ever since my senior year, I've been looking into starting my own business.

Right now I have two on going projects, but the one that's started is called Spirit Ink. I think i've talked about it before; but I just wanted to further explain what i've learned because for the last few weeks, it's taken over my life.


It's a (con)temporary tattoo company with cute designs fit for the more fashionista group of girls!

I learned so many things ever since I started it with my friend.
It's only been going since April, but the amount of work and stress that I've endured seems unbelievable.
I mean I figured that it would be a lot of work, but really.. wow.

I had to basically teach myself (with the help of the interweb!) how to build a website, which let me tell you is SO FUCKIN HARD without the knowledge of this foreign language called HTML.
many many nervous breakdowns over this one.
Also, even though starting a business with a friend or friends could be really great since there's that underlying trust to begin with, but it may or may not end up being that fairy tale "best friends starting a business together and on a road to crazy success and live happily ever after."

This project has taught me more about responsibility and relationships than school could have ever taught me.
I'm so damn proud of it, and I still have faith that this will work.
And IF it doesn't pan out the way I am hoping and believing, then I will pick myself up and move onto my next project.

I won't give up.

Hayon

About me: Tall

I am quite tall for a girl.

To be exact, I am 5' 8.75".

So, practically 5' 9''.

I used to hate it growing up. I stood out. I looked like a giant. I was already feeling awkward, and the height didn't help. It was weird with boys since so surprisingly many of my guy friends are either as tall as me or slightly shorter. People always commented on my height. I didn't feel delicate or girly.

All of these things did not help during puberty. lol.

However, now I love it.

It separates me from the rest of tiny Asian girls. I stand out! My legs are long. Clothes don't look awkward on me. I don't feel like a little girl. And I have a little more room to eat since I'm a giant anyways and have a bit more room to spare. And since I have began to lose weight, I love how my clothes fit on me, and on good days, I feel like a JC Penny model lol. And now I just wear heels if I want to wear them, and do not give a fuck about how people may think i'm a godzilla.

Obviously, it's not my physical appearance that  changed.
I feel more comfortable in my skin as I grow up.
I still have more internal things to work out to really remember what makes me beautiful and that I am beautiful no matter what.

But, I no longer hunch and slouch in an effort to make myself look a bit smaller (which had the affect of making me look like a hunchback.. not attractive). I no longer look at other petite girls, just wishing that I could shrink somehow. I stretch regularly to let my body grow or whatever it wants to do (even though I doubt that I'd be growing at this point).

I'm proud and thankful that I am who I am and I look as I do.
Of course, there are so many things I still would love to wave a magic wand and change about myself physically. However, that doesn't mean i'm going to recklessly get plastic surgeries or go cry to myself.
Everything in moderation. lol
I'm not too proud or resentful.

I'm just glad to be me.

I'm glad that I'm the only me.

Content,

Hayon