Long Hiatus

So, my last post was last year March! hahaha

#fail.

So much has changed and I am so much more tired and ready to BE MY OWN BOSS!

As much as I appreciate structure and making a difference in a company, I truly deeply want to be in control of my life. As I get older, my happiness mostly stems from the ability to be myself. The self-conscious, approval-seeking little me still lives. But, honestly, I think I've kinda ignored her for the most part. Partly from being exhausted from commuting to LA from OC and just working and not sleeping well. Partly from just growing older and gaining somewhat of maturity.

I will unashamedly admit that a big part of my desperate wish to gain control of my life is to set my own work schedule. I am relatively lucky right now to have somewhat of a flexible work schedule. But, I want that 4 hour work week thing. I want to be able to travel whenever wherever (which also means financial freedom).

Another reason is to really taste the fruit of my labor. Working for a boss or a company just doesn't quite give me the same satisfaction. I selfishly wish for the day when I can support myself (paying rent, buying yummy food, traveling) through my projects.

Besides Spirit Ink, I'm starting another Education Tech project with friends, while I work part-time doing Marketing for a Startup, part-time tutoring, commuting 2-3 hours a day. And I will be collaborating with my best friend on a Advice blog for early twenties professionals. BF carefully suggests that I am spreading myself too thin, to which I obviously scream "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" unreasonably. I do agree silently, but YOLO AMIRITE?

k GOTTA GO BE BUSY AND MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF (SO I TELL MYSELF).

Random Thoughts: School

This whole not doing anything must be getting to my head, especially with the state of duress I have been under for ummm.. TOO LONG!

Because a moment ago, a thought popped into my head--that I want to go back to school. WTF?

I can justify this ridiculous (or genius??) notion with a few facts:

1. It is quite late. 1 AM right now.
2. I may be going insane.
3. I am constantly stressed these days.
4. I am going through my post grad freak out phase!
5. quarter-life crisis.
6. I actually miss school.
7. I actually enjoy learning. Just not exams and what nots.
8. I am bored out of my freakin mind.
9. All my TV shows are ending. So, I have nothing to do now..
10. I may be going insane. like.. seriously.
11. I AM SO BORED.
12. I do not have a legitimate career right now.
13. I hate not knowing what my next step is. As a student, I always knew.
14. I am just freaking out. no surprise here! hah
15. Masters/Ph.D. cap and gown are freakin awesome.
16. I like feeling smart... and actually getting smarter haha.

But, yea.  shit. I was pretty damn convinced until like an hour ago that I was DONE with education for a long time. But, maybe not?

I need more excitement in my life.

Slowly going insane,

Hayon

Done #5 & 6: Graduate from college! & ask my fav prof for a hug! lol

Yes, I did my 4 years of school. Fun but mostly a drag. I was getting really sick and tired of reading and writing about topics that did not interest me enough.

But, I DID IT!

Amazingly, I got through college! hahaha many times I would cry to myself or to others about my hatred and doubt.
But, today was my graduation, and I am glad.

I first resisted going to the grad. One of the most hateful events, in my opinion, is graduation. I hate it.

But, my parents insisted that I go, so I did.

Lovely Jenn and Sunny came, too! haha so thankful! (:

But, I honestly wasn't that excited the morning of or the week leading up to the graduation.
I was nervous and anxious. I was like.. what's the point? omg I won't know anyone. omg what if I look stupid? and just so many, now I realize, useless worries.

When I got there, I found a friend that I knew from class yay!
And Katie and Andrew just hung out with me in the line. haha 

But, before we entered the Shrine Auditorium, my heart was just racing.

Then, my favorite professor spoke (: <3 Lamy!

And people started getting called to the stage in this endless drone, then it was my turn!

By the time I stood up from my seat (even before that) I decided that I will ask Lamy for a hug. HAHA I knew it would be a weird thing maybe? But, I figured if not now, WHEN?

So, of course, this prof guy (that I don't even know), butchered my last name.. ugh. but that wasn't even a problem.

When I walked up to Lamy (our vice dean), he said, where have you been???
omggggggg he remembered me! hah!!! well, or not, but I'm just going to tell myself that he does.
and I immediately said CAN I HAVE A HUG? lol embarrassing, hindsight. but, he said of course! and gave me a hug. Then an awkward picture moment pursued, then I walked off, and Lamy said, Keep in touch! I said ok!!!!
lol

God. I am weird. But, I have some serious professor crushes. lol If you know me at all, you should know this.

Something about teachers/professors and their charisma, intelligence, and authority just GET TO ME.

anyways, then I was super happy that I got a hug and that I WAS OFFICIALLY A USC GRADUATE!
haha

stole from Jenn


Soon after, the graduation ended, and my family and friends and I went to Fogo de Chao and stuffed ourselves until we were KOed. (:

I am exhausted from multiple adrenaline rushes and just.. everything.
But, I'm still going to make more of my day!

craycray!

graduated,

Hayon

Meltdown

Ok. Meltdown is a bit dramatic, but I guess Chris doesn't call me a drama queen for no reason.

I have been experiencing my quarter-life crisis for quite some time now, especially after I realized that I am graduating with no particular plans and no particular goals.

After every dreadful graduations, I knew where I was going--next stage of school. duh. But, I am now graduating college in a week, and I am freaking out.

I don't know how other people are handling their grad realization, but I am handling it TERRIBLY.

My poor bf did not see this one coming, lol. poor guy. oops!

And of course, I was supposed to be "studying" for my finals which I cannot emphasize how little I care about them (even though at the same time I am stressed out beyond belief for.. so what a freakin' conundrum), which means I was on facebook and pinterest. And I said in my head (because I am alone in my room and avoid talking to myself just to prevent the onset of insanity), "I can totally do this at some point" when I came across studded blouse. And by "do," I meant I can totally stud up my old jean dress which I realized could look "hip" now thanks to the vintage trend.

Then, it hit me.

I say that ALL THE TIME, annoyingly.

I was so consumed by everything else in life that I forgot to just do things. Or maybe I never did things.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am CREATIVE! I am FUN! I HAVE SKILLS! I CAN DO THINGS!

So in my finals delirium, I am starting this blog.
Because I am SICK of not finishing what I start (other than education and movies and books), I will make a "bucket list" of some sort. I really don't want to call it that because things that will be mentioned aren't really my "dying-to-do" list. it's more like "oh let's give myself some credit for doing the little things."

So, my love for crossing things off the list and my newfound passion to start and finish something a little extraordinary, I'm going to do this.

First one on the list - Blogging about something cool!

With hope and doubt,

Hayon