This whole not doing anything must be getting to my head, especially with the state of duress I have been under for ummm.. TOO LONG!
Because a moment ago, a thought popped into my head--that I want to go back to school. WTF?
I can justify this ridiculous (or genius??) notion with a few facts:
1. It is quite late. 1 AM right now.
2. I may be going insane.
3. I am constantly stressed these days.
4. I am going through my post grad freak out phase!
5. quarter-life crisis.
6. I actually miss school.
7. I actually enjoy learning. Just not exams and what nots.
8. I am bored out of my freakin mind.
9. All my TV shows are ending. So, I have nothing to do now..
10. I may be going insane. like.. seriously.
11. I AM SO BORED.
12. I do not have a legitimate career right now.
13. I hate not knowing what my next step is. As a student, I always knew.
14. I am just freaking out. no surprise here! hah
15. Masters/Ph.D. cap and gown are freakin awesome.
16. I like feeling smart... and actually getting smarter haha.
But, yea. shit. I was pretty damn convinced until like an hour ago that I was DONE with education for a long time. But, maybe not?
I need more excitement in my life.
Slowly going insane,
Hayon
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
17.5.12
11.5.12
About me: Judge free?
So, I did go sang my heart out and relieved stress talking to my friend.
We talked for like 4-5 hours? haha
It was nice to just tell her all the inner dialogues I have been having and things I felt terrible about. Some about my future, some about myself, and some about uncontrollable external situations.
It's nice to just have someone who won't judge you. She jokes that it's because her situation isn't much better so why judge? But, I feel the same. Well, I do judge, but strictly to myself. hahah I try not to show the judgment unless it gets REALLY bad. But, even then, if it doesn't affect my life, I probably won't tell you.
I believe in Karma, and I believe in a need for a civil society where people are polite and nice to each other and save their judging to themselves.
Definitely not saying that I am higher than thou (unless I am taller because I am tall. HAHA. yea.. jk).
And I may just hate for no reason lol.
But, i'm just saying when it comes to my friends, I want full support because I'll be my worst critic and I really don't need another one. And I give back in return. It's not such a bad deal, in my opinion.
Feeling a bit defensive,
Hayon
We talked for like 4-5 hours? haha
It was nice to just tell her all the inner dialogues I have been having and things I felt terrible about. Some about my future, some about myself, and some about uncontrollable external situations.
It's nice to just have someone who won't judge you. She jokes that it's because her situation isn't much better so why judge? But, I feel the same. Well, I do judge, but strictly to myself. hahah I try not to show the judgment unless it gets REALLY bad. But, even then, if it doesn't affect my life, I probably won't tell you.
I believe in Karma, and I believe in a need for a civil society where people are polite and nice to each other and save their judging to themselves.
Definitely not saying that I am higher than thou (unless I am taller because I am tall. HAHA. yea.. jk).
And I may just hate for no reason lol.
But, i'm just saying when it comes to my friends, I want full support because I'll be my worst critic and I really don't need another one. And I give back in return. It's not such a bad deal, in my opinion.
Feeling a bit defensive,
Hayon
10.5.12
Fun #9: Go karaoke
ok, this isn't mindblowing or anything. and it's SO very asian of me.
But, I do love me some karaoke. lol
Singing seriously relaxes me more than anything in the world, but i'm not fond of singing in open spaces.
And with just the sheer amount of stress I've been getting from someone's death and job search and graduation and just other things, I need to be less anxious and stressed.
The only good thing about being stressed is that I have no appetite lol which leads to weight loss! hah!
But, yea, i'm going karaoke-ing with a friend tonight. stokedddd.
(:
Tomorrow is my graduation. not stoked at all.
fuck.
ever so anxious,
Hayon
But, I do love me some karaoke. lol
Singing seriously relaxes me more than anything in the world, but i'm not fond of singing in open spaces.
And with just the sheer amount of stress I've been getting from someone's death and job search and graduation and just other things, I need to be less anxious and stressed.
The only good thing about being stressed is that I have no appetite lol which leads to weight loss! hah!
But, yea, i'm going karaoke-ing with a friend tonight. stokedddd.
(:
Tomorrow is my graduation. not stoked at all.
fuck.
ever so anxious,
Hayon
6.5.12
Fun #4: Go running with my dog in the morning
So, it's always been this glorified fantasy of mine to take my dog for a run.
I mean I have done it before, but it's been like 4 years since the last time.
Yes, I am that horrible dog owner that doesn't take my dog out for a walk.
Yes, my dog is out of shape.
Yes, my dog is overweight. Well, I mean not REALLY. She's a little chubs, but she's been on a diet (that I control, obviously), so she actually lost a good amount of weight. So..
NO, my dog is not overweight.. lol
Yes, my dog is cute regardless of her weight.
But, it always sounds so amazing when someone says, yea I take my dog out for a run every morning.
Now that I am home.. WHY NOT!?
So, I actually did it this morning.
Oh, how fantasies differ so drastically from reality.
It started out all fine. My mom took Milkie (my dog) while I ran into get water. She peed once and ran to the trail.
Then, it just went downhill from there, figuratively not geographically.
Milkie got tired from that 30 second run from my house to the trail. lol.
Then, her desperate panting began, and she could not move faster than a dog power walk.
And during a 30 minute "run," Milkie stopped to pee 3 times (2 of them were like.. squeezing out the last drop of liquid from her body.. maybe as an excuse to just rest.. lol) and pooped twice.
And, she sounded like she was suffering so badly that I actually carried her back home.
I CARRIED HER.
She looks tiny, but omg. And just the whole irony was definitely not lost on me or my mom. Running with the dog ended with my running and carrying the dog while Milkie panted in my arms.
Even by the time we got home, she was still pretty much dying.
We actually got worried about the possibility of a heart attack lol.
Then, we washed her with cool water, and she calmed down a bit.
But, overall, I did not get much exercise done since I had to slow down and walk to accommodate Milkie. However, it was pretty hilarious. lol
This is why I need to stop thinking that my life can be glamorous lol. It ends up being more funny than anything anyways. And I think I actually prefer it that way haha.
But, this doesn't mean that I'm going to give up on running with my dog. I need to exercise anyways. So, I'll try again! and again and again, until my dog is in a better shape and can outrun me with her short little legs <3.
Not tired,
Hayon
I mean I have done it before, but it's been like 4 years since the last time.
Yes, I am that horrible dog owner that doesn't take my dog out for a walk.
Yes, my dog is out of shape.
Yes, my dog is overweight. Well, I mean not REALLY. She's a little chubs, but she's been on a diet (that I control, obviously), so she actually lost a good amount of weight. So..
NO, my dog is not overweight.. lol
Yes, my dog is cute regardless of her weight.
But, it always sounds so amazing when someone says, yea I take my dog out for a run every morning.
Now that I am home.. WHY NOT!?
So, I actually did it this morning.
Oh, how fantasies differ so drastically from reality.
It started out all fine. My mom took Milkie (my dog) while I ran into get water. She peed once and ran to the trail.
Then, it just went downhill from there, figuratively not geographically.
Milkie got tired from that 30 second run from my house to the trail. lol.
Then, her desperate panting began, and she could not move faster than a dog power walk.
And during a 30 minute "run," Milkie stopped to pee 3 times (2 of them were like.. squeezing out the last drop of liquid from her body.. maybe as an excuse to just rest.. lol) and pooped twice.
And, she sounded like she was suffering so badly that I actually carried her back home.
I CARRIED HER.
She looks tiny, but omg. And just the whole irony was definitely not lost on me or my mom. Running with the dog ended with my running and carrying the dog while Milkie panted in my arms.
Even by the time we got home, she was still pretty much dying.
We actually got worried about the possibility of a heart attack lol.
Then, we washed her with cool water, and she calmed down a bit.
But, overall, I did not get much exercise done since I had to slow down and walk to accommodate Milkie. However, it was pretty hilarious. lol
This is why I need to stop thinking that my life can be glamorous lol. It ends up being more funny than anything anyways. And I think I actually prefer it that way haha.
But, this doesn't mean that I'm going to give up on running with my dog. I need to exercise anyways. So, I'll try again! and again and again, until my dog is in a better shape and can outrun me with her short little legs <3.
Not tired,
Hayon
5.5.12
Fun #1: Change my wall
My walls in my room are pink.
One is pepto bismol pink and the rest are baby pink.
They were freakin awesome colors to choose at the end of elementary/beginning of jr high!!
But, I am now 22. It feels a bit outdated and a bit TOO girly.
And basically I'm sick of looking at the same colored walls that I've had since nearly a decade.
(it's actually a bit lighter than this, but it's on the same family of pink)
So, I recently moved back home from living alone for 2 years near my school. At first I resisted. A LOT.
Couldn't imagine living back home with my parents for longer than a week. But, financially it just wasn't possible for me to live alone. :(
So I, with a lot of resistance, moved back!
who would have thought that it's SO GREAT?
I kinda love being home.
lol
Everything is nice, clean, and not dark and just great!
I get to see and hug my dog all the time!
My parents are not bad AT ALL!
We get along perfectly fine now!
I mean it's only been a week, so I guess it may be too early to say, but
IT IS WORKING OUT!
But, I was so sick of my room.
So, we rearranged the furniture and got a new closet so I can actually stowaway all the things I've gathered over the years. I am such a hoarder. :(
The only thing just TAUNTING ME everyday is the wall color.
I HATE IT.
I dreamt about changing it.
But, when I suggested that we repaint it, my parents were like ummm no. that's WAY too much work.
:'(
So, now I am looking for ways to change up the room--whether it be wallpaper, tapestry, fabric, canopy...
I DON'T CARE!
I NEED THE PEPTO BISMOL PINK OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW!
Ironic that I'm calling the list the "fun" list, since I am pretty stressed about it. But, I'm sure I'll learn to enjoy the process after I'm done with my finals. I'm pretty sure the real source of my stress is getting done with school.
Peace out (A town),
Hayon
One is pepto bismol pink and the rest are baby pink.
They were freakin awesome colors to choose at the end of elementary/beginning of jr high!!
But, I am now 22. It feels a bit outdated and a bit TOO girly.
And basically I'm sick of looking at the same colored walls that I've had since nearly a decade.
So, I recently moved back home from living alone for 2 years near my school. At first I resisted. A LOT.
Couldn't imagine living back home with my parents for longer than a week. But, financially it just wasn't possible for me to live alone. :(
So I, with a lot of resistance, moved back!
who would have thought that it's SO GREAT?
I kinda love being home.
lol
Everything is nice, clean, and not dark and just great!
I get to see and hug my dog all the time!
My parents are not bad AT ALL!
We get along perfectly fine now!
I mean it's only been a week, so I guess it may be too early to say, but
IT IS WORKING OUT!
But, I was so sick of my room.
So, we rearranged the furniture and got a new closet so I can actually stowaway all the things I've gathered over the years. I am such a hoarder. :(
The only thing just TAUNTING ME everyday is the wall color.
I HATE IT.
I dreamt about changing it.
But, when I suggested that we repaint it, my parents were like ummm no. that's WAY too much work.
:'(
So, now I am looking for ways to change up the room--whether it be wallpaper, tapestry, fabric, canopy...
I DON'T CARE!
I NEED THE PEPTO BISMOL PINK OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW!
Ironic that I'm calling the list the "fun" list, since I am pretty stressed about it. But, I'm sure I'll learn to enjoy the process after I'm done with my finals. I'm pretty sure the real source of my stress is getting done with school.
Peace out (A town),
Hayon
Meltdown
Ok. Meltdown is a bit dramatic, but I guess Chris doesn't call me a drama queen for no reason.
I have been experiencing my quarter-life crisis for quite some time now, especially after I realized that I am graduating with no particular plans and no particular goals.
After every dreadful graduations, I knew where I was going--next stage of school. duh. But, I am now graduating college in a week, and I am freaking out.
I don't know how other people are handling their grad realization, but I am handling it TERRIBLY.
My poor bf did not see this one coming, lol. poor guy. oops!
And of course, I was supposed to be "studying" for my finals which I cannot emphasize how little I care about them (even though at the same time I am stressed out beyond belief for.. so what a freakin' conundrum), which means I was on facebook and pinterest. And I said in my head (because I am alone in my room and avoid talking to myself just to prevent the onset of insanity), "I can totally do this at some point" when I came across studded blouse. And by "do," I meant I can totally stud up my old jean dress which I realized could look "hip" now thanks to the vintage trend.
Then, it hit me.
I say that ALL THE TIME, annoyingly.
I was so consumed by everything else in life that I forgot to just do things. Or maybe I never did things.
Not to toot my own horn here, but I am CREATIVE! I am FUN! I HAVE SKILLS! I CAN DO THINGS!
So in my finals delirium, I am starting this blog.
Because I am SICK of not finishing what I start (other than education and movies and books), I will make a "bucket list" of some sort. I really don't want to call it that because things that will be mentioned aren't really my "dying-to-do" list. it's more like "oh let's give myself some credit for doing the little things."
So, my love for crossing things off the list and my newfound passion to start and finish something a little extraordinary, I'm going to do this.
First one on the list - Blogging about something cool!
With hope and doubt,
Hayon
I have been experiencing my quarter-life crisis for quite some time now, especially after I realized that I am graduating with no particular plans and no particular goals.
After every dreadful graduations, I knew where I was going--next stage of school. duh. But, I am now graduating college in a week, and I am freaking out.
I don't know how other people are handling their grad realization, but I am handling it TERRIBLY.
My poor bf did not see this one coming, lol. poor guy. oops!
And of course, I was supposed to be "studying" for my finals which I cannot emphasize how little I care about them (even though at the same time I am stressed out beyond belief for.. so what a freakin' conundrum), which means I was on facebook and pinterest. And I said in my head (because I am alone in my room and avoid talking to myself just to prevent the onset of insanity), "I can totally do this at some point" when I came across studded blouse. And by "do," I meant I can totally stud up my old jean dress which I realized could look "hip" now thanks to the vintage trend.
Then, it hit me.
I say that ALL THE TIME, annoyingly.
I was so consumed by everything else in life that I forgot to just do things. Or maybe I never did things.
Not to toot my own horn here, but I am CREATIVE! I am FUN! I HAVE SKILLS! I CAN DO THINGS!
So in my finals delirium, I am starting this blog.
Because I am SICK of not finishing what I start (other than education and movies and books), I will make a "bucket list" of some sort. I really don't want to call it that because things that will be mentioned aren't really my "dying-to-do" list. it's more like "oh let's give myself some credit for doing the little things."
So, my love for crossing things off the list and my newfound passion to start and finish something a little extraordinary, I'm going to do this.
First one on the list - Blogging about something cool!
With hope and doubt,
Hayon
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)