Finally Learning To Let Go

I am basically learning to let go of relationships that aren't working.

I am that person who usually holds on to EVERY SINGLE THING.
I hesitate before throwing away receipts. I have books from elementary school. I have all the letters, report cards, cards, pictures (that I haven't tragically lost yet. I still weep for those pics that have moved on to picture heaven), etc.

The whole process of letting things go started after graduation, I guess.
I finally threw away those pesky SAT books (even though after I threw them out, I started tutoring, of course. They could have been very useful -__-).
I finally threw away high school papers.
And I finally put an end to relationships that were either one sided or just not working out.

It takes me a lot to end friendships. But, I think i'm at that point in which I am trying to better myself constantly, and that task requires me to surround myself with good people who can guide me and support me. Some people were being shitty, and I got tired of waiting around for them to come around.

I think it's just damn time for me to say my goodbye's and move the fuck on with my life because I really deserve better.

Bye!

Random Thoughts: School

This whole not doing anything must be getting to my head, especially with the state of duress I have been under for ummm.. TOO LONG!

Because a moment ago, a thought popped into my head--that I want to go back to school. WTF?

I can justify this ridiculous (or genius??) notion with a few facts:

1. It is quite late. 1 AM right now.
2. I may be going insane.
3. I am constantly stressed these days.
4. I am going through my post grad freak out phase!
5. quarter-life crisis.
6. I actually miss school.
7. I actually enjoy learning. Just not exams and what nots.
8. I am bored out of my freakin mind.
9. All my TV shows are ending. So, I have nothing to do now..
10. I may be going insane. like.. seriously.
11. I AM SO BORED.
12. I do not have a legitimate career right now.
13. I hate not knowing what my next step is. As a student, I always knew.
14. I am just freaking out. no surprise here! hah
15. Masters/Ph.D. cap and gown are freakin awesome.
16. I like feeling smart... and actually getting smarter haha.

But, yea.  shit. I was pretty damn convinced until like an hour ago that I was DONE with education for a long time. But, maybe not?

I need more excitement in my life.

Slowly going insane,

Hayon

About me: I'm terrible at grieving

I am a great listener.
I empathize too much usually.
I take a great pride in the fact that I am a good "therapist."

But, one thing I cannot deal with is death.

I just can't understand it. It doesn't register in my head.

I am overall not great at grieving or accepting loss.

I just push down the feeling? I usually just avoid talking about it.
It awkwards me out.

I hate it.

My mom's friend's passing.

I kept trying to justify it, but I guess I was just denying the fact?
I DON'T KNOW.

this overload of emotions is making me annoyed and sad.

I do not like it.

If that makes me immature, so be it.
I will never deal with grief well.
I don't want to deal with it well.
I wish I never have to deal with it personally.
knock on wood.

peeved,

Hayon