Movie a day: The Virgin Suicides

Since I found some (a lot of) free time in my hand, I decided to watch movies that I've been either not in the mood to watch or didn't have time to watch.

I usually love movies that are lighthearted, definite, and rather stupid.
I'm not a movie connoisseur. My favorite actor is Will Ferrell. lol I love him.
But, I have my reasons for sometimes refusing the "good" movies.
Stupid movies don't make me feel or think. Usually helps with escaping reality.
Silly movies don't break my heart or have lingering effects that change my views and values.

But, sometimes I want the heartbreak, the empathy, the triumph.
I tend to regret and rejoice after.

The Virgin Suicides was the latter kind of movie.
yea yea yea, I haven't watched it until tonight.
The title scared me.
Suicides = death.
I don't like death.

But, the motivation came from Elle Fanning's instagram. lol
yes, I follow Elle Fanning on instagram.
I think she's just adorable and interesting!
Anyways, she apparently loves the movie, so I became curious.
And, I avoid romantic or popular older (pre 21st century) movies usually (I dislike them because they are too unreal, surreal, and put weird ideas in my head that make me hate reality), so I don't watch a lot of Sofia Coppola films.
I honestly couldn't tell you any of her movies off top of my head, other than this movie.
I know what she looks like if that makes anyone feel better. lol

 So, I figured WHY NOT when I saw it on Amazon Prime.

Well, fuck.
It was fantastic and a bummer.
I passionately dislike non-ending endings.
I like all my loose ends tied.
Again, I don't want things to linger, and loose ends linger.
But, it was addicting. Even though I was scared to death (hah!) about seeing dead bodies right before going to sleep (or any point in the day, really), I couldn't stop watching.
I loved the delicate and almost fleeting quality throughout the whole movie.
Everything was SO dark, yet everything was filled with light and warmth.
It was the juxtaposition and mixture of restraint and suffocation with giddiness and love that really made my heart flutter with empathy and desperation.

Everything about it was so beautiful and terrible.

I love and hate the movie.

On a lighter note, I hate Josh Hartnett's hair. ew.

And I saw a lot of Elle Fanning in Kirsten Dunst's looks in the movie. Maybe she really is obsessed with the movie lol.

And I think it would be fantastic to have natural blonde hair and blue eyes. They have that ethereal and angelic quality that I envy.
It's so hard being Asian. #firstworldproblems

On that note, kind of, I think the most attractive quality in woman is the combination of adorable innocence and undeniable seductiveness. And I believe that Marilyn Monroe had that. And so does Lux, even though I think in her case it's more mystery than innocence that attract the world. But ultimately it's the process of losing her innocence that is heartbreaking to me.

Anyways, my goal is to watch a movie a day. I think it's not TOO difficult to achieve since all my TV shows have ended. :(

Done #16: Go to Chuck E Cheese's

On Friday, the bf and I had the weekly date (:

1. Go to Lee's Sandwich

I haven't had their sandwiches in FOREVER, and omg I have been missing out! I usually dislike sandwiches... but, lee's is perfect! I only like my bread crunchy and hard - baguettes.. pretty much. I love the crispy outer baguette bread and delicious grilled pork and sweet and sour pickled radishes/carrot finished w/ cilantro!

SO GOOD. And for under 3 dollars? I AM SOLD. tempted to have it everyday...

2. CHUCK E CHEESE'S!!!!!!
the BF had a coupon for $15 for 80 tokens. I think we may have stayed there for an hour or two hahaha. we beat this jungle cruise game (after like.. 12 token game continuations.. but SO WORTH IT!). And we are convinced that their Deal or No Deal game is RIGGED!!!! >:(

But, overall it was fun. we only left with 300 ticket thing which meant shitty prizes.. but whatever. I wasn't there for the prize anyways!

3. Genghis Khan!
we had our fav mongolian bbq thing at the mall food court. And of course it was delicious.

4. went to Target to waste time.
I spent like 2 hours looking for something to occupy myself with for the summer, but failed. So, we just sat on their lawn furniture and talked since it's free hahahaha.

We basically talked about how dismal our future looks HAHA. fun times!

But, i'm sure something will work out.

Hopeful,

Hayon

Fun: Write a song

ok. I am not particularly skilled in numbers. I'm okay (I'm korean), but not stellar.

I give up on the list system other than for the done list. lol I get WAY too confused.

anyways.

Since graduated and unemployed equal A LOT OF TIME, as I've mentioned and complained and bragged about MULTIPLE times, I am bored a lot.

So I was whining as usual, and Chris was like.. why don't you write a song?
well, his almost exact words were, why don't you write a theme song for our lizzie mcguire crew? HAHA
Jenn would obviously get the reference, and seeing as you are the only reader (other than from Russia.. according to the stats page.. wtf), you are obviously the only one that I care to mention in my blogs anyways.

And I always wanted to write a song.
Not to toot my own horn (which I really love to do often times HAHA jokingly and seriously), I think i'm musically talented.
whatever. haters gonna hate, but I think I should give myself a pat in the back once in a while.
I can play the piano fairly well, being Asian and all.
And my fundamental's shit, but I don't think it's of an utmost importance in songwriting anyways.

So, what the hell.
WHY NOT? (in honor of hillary duff HAH)

The one thing I would hate is for it to sound corny.

ugh we'll see hahahaha

Done #13 - 15: Go to a cool Jazz club & play the settlers of Catan & Be in the middle of a restaurant fight

A busy day, it was!

Can't remember the details as clearly as I would like because it's been 3 days since this busy day... But, I can say for sure that I had fun!

Basically, the day started out with meeting up at Wes' house with Chris and obviously.. wesley.

Wesley drove (for the 3rd time, yes it is out of order.. whatever. throughout the day, he almost backed up into a man and cut someone off and pissed that person off lol. But, no harm done really)!

went to Rowland Heights for some Szechuan food (which I've never had before and was quite delicious but very very oily).
I think the place was called Shufeng something.. can't remember. But, that wasn't the important thing.

lol. So, we went inside, starving and excited.
Then, the hostess and two chinese lady customers started yelling. With us situated in the middle.
Like.. some serious SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER IN CHINESE. over bad service.. or something like that from what Wes deduced and what I deduced from their gestures.
I thought they were about to throw plates at each other.
Of course women screaming at each other just wasn't quite enough.
The chef (possibly the owner) came out from the kitchen and started yelling at the hostess (possibly for fighting with customers).
It was the most intense fight I have ever witnessed and it was quite hilarious and stressful at the same time.
I just thought it was pretty momentous lol.

But seriously.. don't mess with asian ladies. They do not give a fuck.

Anyways, then, we went to a tea place and played the Settlers of Catan.
OH EM GEE. SO MUCH FUN!
The geek inside me jumped up and down in joy!
It wasn't too hard to learn and so much fun to play.

Everyone needs to play this.

It's half strategy and half luck. You are basically trying to make colonies out of materials that you collect and what not.

I'm obviously not explaining this well at all, but just GO PLAY.

Then, we went home to eat dinner, but with a plan of meeting up later to go to Steamers - a jazz club!
So cooooool (:

I've never been to downtown Fullerton at night. (and I REFUSE to call it dtf. ugh)
I had NO IDEA what to wear. Ended up choosing a black shirt dress and flats.

A guitarist, a bassist, a drummer.

They were soooo suave. The whole ambiance was very lounge-y and relaxing.
Chris and Wes ordered drinks which I tried hahaha.
They were cocktail-heavy, rather than draft beer and what not.

After their performance, we left to go to Heroes since the guys REALLY wanted beer.

I got Shock Top. I like my beer mild lol. The guys like theirs hoppy and dark-ish? lol I have no idea. I am not a beer expert.

Then, we just talked. (: Great night!

Reminiscing,

Hayon

Done #12: Go to the beach

This is going to be completely out of order, but i've been feeling lazy about posting due to having a bit too much fun! HAHA... well kinda.. just lazy.

And this keeping in track of lists has become quite cumbersome, but oh well.

Anyways, I haven't been to the beach in a long time and figured that it's about time that I stop denying the fact that I live 20 minutes away from the ocean and just effing go and get some beach sunlight and interact with oceanic nature.

But let me just say how much I dislike the sand. It gets everywhere and it's gross.. but so unavoidable AT THE BEACH lol.
again.. OH effing WELL.

So, I convinced Chris and Wesley that we need to do something like go to the beach while we were out in town being awesome. At this point of my summer break, I am about to crawl out of my effing skin from boredom. Being the troopers they are, they agreed.

Then OFF TO THE BEACH!
Wesley drove (for the 4th time ever in his life! lol yea. ran two dangerously-close-to-red yellow lights but no biggie.. we live on the edge). And after 20-30 minutes, we were at the Huntington Beach!

So many memories at that beach. not the cleanest or the most fabulous, but it's the closest and been to it the most! We had our high school senior breakfast there, and during that phase of my life, huntington was the beach to be.

On the way, we stopped by Bevmo for some beer, then quickly settled at the beach.

It was actually quite windy and not as hot as it's been for the last week or so (annoying).

But, we just chilled on our towels and soaked in the sunlight. The water was pretty cold, and no one was in the mood for swimming. The guys threw around football and stuff while I chilled and instagrammed lol.

It was just so nice, relaxing on the beach, getting some color on my pale-ass skin.

I just wish it was a bit warmer since by 5, I had to put a sweatshirt on.

Then, we were all hungry, so we ventured on to the other side of the street and went to 25 degrees.

The guys wanted burgers and beer lol. shocker.

 french fries & sweet potato fries

I'm not a big fan of burgers, but a HUGE fan of hot dogs (hah that's what she said!). And umm especially bacon wrapped anything.. so I was sold. lol I ended up ditching the bread and just finished the sausage and toppings. not a big fan of bread.. lol i know. weird.

Anyways, it was a successful day! (:

A bit tanned,

Hayon

Done #11: Improv Comedy Show

So since I've moved back home, I don't get to see my boyfriend very often. Obviously, it was way more convenient when both of us were in LA.

So, when I do see him, we try to make it worth our while!

He picked me up, and I was craving pasta. And what better place to get my load of carbs than Olive Garden???? haha

And one of my "wish list" was to get a glass of wine with my pasta - so I ordered a wine-ish drink. haha

I wanted something sweeter than just wine lol. whatever! I have no shame.

Anyways, the food I ended up getting was the soup, salad and breadstick combo, but no regrets. They were all freakin delicious.

Then, we decided to watch the avengers (which to me was alright. It was really fun to watch and all, but I wouldn't watch it again and again?) with his cousins, which is A BIG NEWS since I have only met his cousin once and that was the first time "meeting" his family!

I convinced him that it is a great idea for me to meet his two cousins hahaha. And they warmed up to me pretty quickly! I'm a nice person! HAH! win for me!

 I got this for the movie snack. love love love. I love this brand of chocolate!

Then, we dropped them off! And off we went to (my initial wish destination was downtown disney, but it was a Friday which means hell hole) The block of Orange, which turned out to be a TERRIBLE idea since we couldn't even find parking.

So, disappointed we left, and headed for my house.

Then, a brilliant idea came to my head! Let's go to the Maverick Theater to watch their weekly Improv Shmimprove show!

I used to go often in my high school days since it is SO funny and only $5!

Even though it starts at 11 PM, and I suggest that you get there like 15 minutes before just in case it fills up.

Anyways, I wanted to take my brother with us since it feels like he doesn't get out much lol.

While we waited for time to pass, the bf and I walked my dog around the neighborhood and laughed at her unathleticism and the followed adorable-ness(?).

And finally off we went to the show!

SO FREAKIN FUNNY. and so very hipster, the crowd was lol.
I was initially concerned that it wouldn't be funny since I haven't been in a while and my sense of humor... well.. let's just say is not SUPER sophisticated hahahaha. But, of course they were as impressive as ever! and the bf and broho really enjoyed the show!
Basically, the premise is they have two teams consisting of 3 ppl, and they battle it out with different improv games. Hil-A-RIOUS.

And you can actually roll the dice when you pay for the ticket. If you win against the host, you don't pay; if you lose, you pay $10. Being the unadventurous shmuck, I opted out and just paid the flat $5, along with my sensible bf and broho.

But, it was hilarious overall, and I've been meaning to pay the theater a visit anyways! 2 birds w/ 1 stone.
(:

Brought back a lot of high school memories.

But, seriously.. when did EVERYTHING "downtown" get so effing HIPSTER?
hipsters are taking over the world..

concerned,

Hayon

Done #10: Impromptu Trip to Vegas!

I think I was just PMSing, but I was just really frustrated and annoyed with everything on Saturday.
So at midnight on Sunday, I asked my mom if we can just take a day trip to Vegas. haha

And she said yes!

Yay!

So, we (my mom, broho, me! dad had to work) left at 8 AM, and with a breakfast sandwich from Subway to satisfy my morning hunger.
After a grueling 4 hour drive, we got to vegas!

It was actually a relatively smooth drive thanks to good traffic and what not.
And it was not that busy on the strip either! yay (:

We ate at my favorite restaurant in vegas! - Mon Ami Gabi

 Olive tapenade & ricotta cheese

 Lobster Roll! It was good, but hard to eat since it was basically a piece of bread that was stuffed with lobster salad.

But, I just love this place. It's relatively affordable for the great service and amazing food!

Then, we walked around the malls.

Oh, can I just mention how AMAZINGLY SCORCHING HOT IT WAS? 90+ degrees. omg.
I was (as gross as this sounds) just sweating BALLS. holycrap.

And the most monumental moment came when I found THE BAG.
I've been looking up bags and what nots for my grad gift. I actually didn't feel comfortable spending so much money on a bag since I don't think i'm old enough and didn't feel like feeling spoiled.
And with that mindset, I was just refusing all the bags and nothing felt good enough for the price. (And I was just planning on pushing off the gift since it was stressing me out and I was hoping my mom would just kinda forget about it? hahahaha)

But, a bad thing happened when mom and I went into the Prada store. omg.

I found this clutch? (I just spent 30 minutes online trying to find the damn thing but I CANNOT!)
saffiano leather and it's retangular with two compartments and a wrist strap and it's just AMAZING.
The size is perfect and I just fell in love like never before!

edit: So, I found a few pictures, but I think it's men's clutch? hahaha NO MATTER. it's amazing. and just perfect for me. And they have it in that gray blue color that I love love love.

 This picture doesn't do this clutch justice, but it's the best I could do lol.

My mom wasn't that happy with it since the zipper was the hardest thing to open. She really wanted me to consider the Lux tote?

 Um, but the price for both bags was just too much.
So, I don't know.
I wish, but at the same time I don't hahahaha
DAMN YOU GUILTY CONSCIENCE!


After walking around, my mom and I decided that it's time we get some matching Pandora charm bracelets!
So, we got the silver bracelet and mother&daughter charm!

and on the side of the charm clasp part, it says you & me or something like that. hahaha it's so cute!

But, can I just say how effing hard it is to undo and put on the bracelet? omg. It not only requires dexterity but also STRENGTH! ugh.

And it kept on plucking my arm hair, and I am pretty hairless lol.

Anyways, we ended our lovely day trip with Wicked Spoon buffet (my fav buffet!)

And I drove home half way and mom drove the other half! not too bad! except people were driving weird...

Oh, and I made it back and forth in 1 tank of gas! AMAZING! (: good job honda.

But, now I am pretty exhausted.
And I am proud of myself for doing something about my boredom and frustration!
I love the impulsive me and my fam!

so tired,

Hayon

Fun #10: Go to Chuck E Cheese's

um. need I say more?

Chuck e cheese's > vegas.

duh.

Random Thoughts: School

This whole not doing anything must be getting to my head, especially with the state of duress I have been under for ummm.. TOO LONG!

Because a moment ago, a thought popped into my head--that I want to go back to school. WTF?

I can justify this ridiculous (or genius??) notion with a few facts:

1. It is quite late. 1 AM right now.
2. I may be going insane.
3. I am constantly stressed these days.
4. I am going through my post grad freak out phase!
5. quarter-life crisis.
6. I actually miss school.
7. I actually enjoy learning. Just not exams and what nots.
8. I am bored out of my freakin mind.
9. All my TV shows are ending. So, I have nothing to do now..
10. I may be going insane. like.. seriously.
11. I AM SO BORED.
12. I do not have a legitimate career right now.
13. I hate not knowing what my next step is. As a student, I always knew.
14. I am just freaking out. no surprise here! hah
15. Masters/Ph.D. cap and gown are freakin awesome.
16. I like feeling smart... and actually getting smarter haha.

But, yea.  shit. I was pretty damn convinced until like an hour ago that I was DONE with education for a long time. But, maybe not?

I need more excitement in my life.

Slowly going insane,

Hayon

Done #7: Make shorts

Yes, it is out of order, but I just uploaded my pictures.

I just wanted to showcase my new shorts!
I wish I had taken a picture of the jeans before getting demolished, but I did not think of it. oh welpz :(

Sorry for the hue, but my room was dark when I took the picture.

Basically I made marks on the legs and cut the legs off.
Then, I made A LOT of adjustments.
It was soooo difficult to make both legs even.

Then, I got a tong to pull the ends to make them look fringed (I recommend doing it outside since there was a lot of lint flying around the room).
After I was done destroying the ends, I poured bleach on the pants (of course after protecting the floor with a trashbag).
Since this particular pair of jeans was grey, it didn't take long to bleach them to this state. I actually quite like the uneven bleaching! But, my friend who had dark washed jeans had to keep the bleach on for a while; and even then, it was hard to tell the bleached part.

And the final step is to wash the shorts in the washer & dry them in the dryer!

Mine smelled like chlorine and swimming pools.. haha
But, I really like how they turned out!
They ARE a bit shorter then I would have liked since during the adjusting phase I went a bit crazy with the cutting.

But, it was exciting hahaha
(:

who wears short shorts?

Hayon

Done #9: Mother's Day Brunch!

So, it was Mother's Day yesterday, and I whipped up a few dishes to celebrate my mom!

I decided on two main dishes:

Curried quinoa stuffed onion

&
Scallops with strawberry salsa

I bought most of the ingredients from Trader Joe's!
The scallop dish was pretty easy to make. But, the onion dish was a biatch to make.
It is HARD to take the inside out of the onion shell, even after you cook it. I ended up with a tube of onion lol. So, I made it into a bowl by adding pieces of onion layer on the bottom.

But, these two dishes didn't seem hardy enough (at least for my fat ass lol), so I made another dish.

Scrambled eggs with onion and ham (I had a lot of freakin onion left over)

Overall, my mom was happy! haha
My dad wasn't.. He would be happier with rice and soup.. not this menu.
well, no matter since it's MOTHER's day.. not FATHER's day.

Success!

Blossoming chef,

Hayon

Done #8: Boardgame Night!

I really love board games.
They bring people together and act as a great excuse to get away from all the technology and really bond people.
And they are just plain fun.

So, to celebrate my graduation and just to have a small get together, I invited a few of my friends to my house for dinner/board game/ wine&cheese night!

I cooked dinner which consisted of chili and cornbread!
I used this recipe for the chili. I tweaked it a little bit with more spices and thai chili peppers to REALLY SPICE THINGS UP! and I simmered it for 3+ hours. It actually turned out DELICIOUS! (:
especially with the cornbread that Jenn made. We used Trader Joe's cornbread mix.

I've accumulated a lot of board games over the years. Some I bought with Jenn and Some I bought for myself.

We ended up playing Jenga, Pass the Popcorn (a movie trivia game in which I played the moderator because the game stresses me out lol), Cranium (so much fun! - Chris & I won btw) and Harry Potter Clue game (Chris won, but BY LUCK! I could've won ): ). hahaha
It was just so entertaining making a fool out of ourselves and really let loose!

As for the wine and cheese, Jenn brought a white wine, and we put some frozen berries, kiwi, canned pineapple and apples to make sangria. And Jane brought brie cheese and some sort of blue cheese that I cannot remember the name of (maybe stilson or something???) and water crackers. For the fruity part of the evening, lol, Chris brought A LOT of apples and grapes, and they were so delicious with the cheese.
And Chandler kindly brought TJoe's cheesecake! yummmmm.

It was just an evening of gluttony and laughter and good company.
(Ina Garten much???) lol

We ended it with taboo and just chatting about movies.

I loved it!
Now I am actually really tired. I'll sleep well, hopefully. I haven't been sleeping too well lately, so yea..
A lot on my mind.

But, tonight really brightened up my weekend!
Now for tomorrow's Mother's Day Brunch! (:
I have the menu all planned out. I'll post it later since 1 post a night seems good enough for me.

Satisfied,

Hayon

Done #5 & 6: Graduate from college! & ask my fav prof for a hug! lol

Yes, I did my 4 years of school. Fun but mostly a drag. I was getting really sick and tired of reading and writing about topics that did not interest me enough.

But, I DID IT!

Amazingly, I got through college! hahaha many times I would cry to myself or to others about my hatred and doubt.
But, today was my graduation, and I am glad.

I first resisted going to the grad. One of the most hateful events, in my opinion, is graduation. I hate it.

But, my parents insisted that I go, so I did.

Lovely Jenn and Sunny came, too! haha so thankful! (:

But, I honestly wasn't that excited the morning of or the week leading up to the graduation.
I was nervous and anxious. I was like.. what's the point? omg I won't know anyone. omg what if I look stupid? and just so many, now I realize, useless worries.

When I got there, I found a friend that I knew from class yay!
And Katie and Andrew just hung out with me in the line. haha 

But, before we entered the Shrine Auditorium, my heart was just racing.

Then, my favorite professor spoke (: <3 Lamy!

And people started getting called to the stage in this endless drone, then it was my turn!

By the time I stood up from my seat (even before that) I decided that I will ask Lamy for a hug. HAHA I knew it would be a weird thing maybe? But, I figured if not now, WHEN?

So, of course, this prof guy (that I don't even know), butchered my last name.. ugh. but that wasn't even a problem.

When I walked up to Lamy (our vice dean), he said, where have you been???
omggggggg he remembered me! hah!!! well, or not, but I'm just going to tell myself that he does.
and I immediately said CAN I HAVE A HUG? lol embarrassing, hindsight. but, he said of course! and gave me a hug. Then an awkward picture moment pursued, then I walked off, and Lamy said, Keep in touch! I said ok!!!!
lol

God. I am weird. But, I have some serious professor crushes. lol If you know me at all, you should know this.

Something about teachers/professors and their charisma, intelligence, and authority just GET TO ME.

anyways, then I was super happy that I got a hug and that I WAS OFFICIALLY A USC GRADUATE!
haha

stole from Jenn


Soon after, the graduation ended, and my family and friends and I went to Fogo de Chao and stuffed ourselves until we were KOed. (:

I am exhausted from multiple adrenaline rushes and just.. everything.
But, I'm still going to make more of my day!

craycray!

graduated,

Hayon

About me: Judge free?

So, I did go sang my heart out and relieved stress talking to my friend.

We talked for like 4-5 hours? haha

It was nice to just tell her all the inner dialogues I have been having and things I felt terrible about. Some about my future, some about myself, and some about uncontrollable external situations.

It's nice to just have someone who won't judge you. She jokes that it's because her situation isn't much better so why judge? But, I feel the same. Well, I do judge, but strictly to myself. hahah I try not to show the judgment unless it gets REALLY bad. But, even then, if it doesn't affect my life, I probably won't tell you.

I believe in Karma, and I believe in a need for a civil society where people are polite and nice to each other and save their judging to themselves.

Definitely not saying that I am higher than thou (unless I am taller because I am tall. HAHA. yea.. jk).

And I may just hate for no reason lol.

But, i'm just saying when it comes to my friends, I want full support because I'll be my worst critic and I really don't need another one. And I give back in return. It's not such a bad deal, in my opinion.

Feeling a bit defensive,

Hayon

Fun #9: Go karaoke

ok, this isn't mindblowing or anything. and it's SO very asian of me.
But, I do love me some karaoke. lol

Singing seriously relaxes me more than anything in the world, but i'm not fond of singing in open spaces.

And with just the sheer amount of stress I've been getting from someone's death and job search and graduation and just other things, I need to be less anxious and stressed.

The only good thing about being stressed is that I have no appetite lol which leads to weight loss! hah!

But, yea, i'm going karaoke-ing with a friend tonight. stokedddd.
(:

Tomorrow is my graduation. not stoked at all.
fuck.

ever so anxious,

Hayon

Fun #8: Refurbish furniture

I've been itching to change my room's decoration, if I haven't made that obvious.

So, obviously, the smart thing to do is go on different blogs and cry about my lack of talent and energy to do something about my room.

This blog: The Painted Hive is freakin AWESOME. I wish she can live with me and change my room.

This lady inspired me to try to refurbish some of my old furniture.

Before:

After:

How amazing IS THIS?
mind BLOWN.

So im going to do it.

YEA

Feeling lumberjack-y,

Hayon

Fun #7: Make my own shorts

I actually tried this once before, but didn't like how it turned out and gave it to my mom instead.

But, I watched a youtube video on how to make shorts, and I think I did it wrong!

So, I want to try to make a really cute jeans and bleach them and look all cute.
My bf hates (kinda forbade me from wearing) shorts!
But, once in a while, I need shorts -- especially in CA!

Maybe to the beach or just at home.

So yea.

I will do that! (:

Fashionably,

Hayon

Fun #6: Start a book club!

I've always wanted to be a part of a cool book club!

And since I cannot find one or never really looked, I guess, I will start one!
I have friends! lol as limited as they are!!!

We have to decide on a book and actually sync our schedule for the whole thing to work, but I will start one soon!
I am especially excited since I'll have more time to read fun books, and I have a kindle (b&w one) and get to borrow a book a month with my amazon prime acct! (: 

Currently I am reading:

Last month I read:

(this was a fun and quick read, but I'm definitely glad I borrowed it for free, instead of paying for it.)

About me: I'm terrible at grieving

I am a great listener.
I empathize too much usually.
I take a great pride in the fact that I am a good "therapist."

But, one thing I cannot deal with is death.

I just can't understand it. It doesn't register in my head.

I am overall not great at grieving or accepting loss.

I just push down the feeling? I usually just avoid talking about it.
It awkwards me out.

I hate it.

My mom's friend's passing.

I kept trying to justify it, but I guess I was just denying the fact?
I DON'T KNOW.

this overload of emotions is making me annoyed and sad.

I do not like it.

If that makes me immature, so be it.
I will never deal with grief well.
I don't want to deal with it well.
I wish I never have to deal with it personally.
knock on wood.

peeved,

Hayon

Done #3: Read magazines

So, I finished my finals (one of which was the WORST FINAL I HAVE EVER TAKEN).

Drove home in traffic. yay!

Had delicious dinner thanks to my mama. (:

Then, actually went out to buy myself magazines, even though I was exhausted. I didn't want to cheat myself out of fun anymore than I already was with the excuse of exhaustion. lol

Bought two magazines.
English Home & Harper's Bazaar.

English Home: This cuteass interior decor magazine with the english romantic theme. love love love! inspired me to maybe stay with my wall color but just mess with the whole room and make it super romantic.

Harper's Bazaar: always love. haven't opened yet, but will soon! (:

It actually took me a while to decide. Nothing really stood out to me.

And I read the magazine when I got home! lol
It wasn't as EXCITING as I wanted since I was tired and the ambiance was a bit down due to a bad news from a family friend.

But, I did it.
So there,

Hayon

Fun #5: Mother's Day Brunch Plan

Ideally, I would take my mother to afternoon tea somewhere; but since I didn't make any reservations (and i'm sure it's way too late for anything), I decided to do a surprise brunch at home for her.

I've been on Pinterest (@xhayonx) instead of studying, of course, and found cute seafood recipes for hor d'oeuvres. So, I'm going to plan the brunch and make it (:

I'll post an update of the final menu in a couple days!

Hungry,

Hayon

Fun #4: Go running with my dog in the morning

So, it's always been this glorified fantasy of mine to take my dog for a run.

I mean I have done it before, but it's been like 4 years since the last time.
Yes, I am that horrible dog owner that doesn't take my dog out for a walk.
Yes, my dog is out of shape.
Yes, my dog is overweight. Well, I mean not REALLY. She's a little chubs, but she's been on a diet (that I control, obviously), so she actually lost a good amount of weight. So..
NO, my dog is not overweight.. lol
Yes, my dog is cute regardless of her weight.

But, it always sounds so amazing when someone says, yea I take my dog out for a run every morning.

Now that I am home.. WHY NOT!?

So, I actually did it this morning.
Oh, how fantasies differ so drastically from reality.

It started out all fine. My mom took Milkie (my dog) while I ran into get water. She peed once and ran to the trail.

Then, it just went downhill from there, figuratively not geographically.

Milkie got tired from that 30 second run from my house to the trail. lol.
Then, her desperate panting began, and she could not move faster than a dog power walk.
And during a 30 minute "run," Milkie stopped to pee 3 times (2 of them were like.. squeezing out the last drop of liquid from her body.. maybe as an excuse to just rest.. lol) and pooped twice.
And, she sounded like she was suffering so badly that I actually carried her back home.
I CARRIED HER.

She looks tiny, but omg. And just the whole irony was definitely not lost on me or my mom. Running with the dog ended with my running and carrying the dog while Milkie panted in my arms.

Even by the time we got home, she was still pretty much dying.

We actually got worried about the possibility of a heart attack lol.

Then, we washed her with cool water, and she calmed down a bit.

But, overall, I did not get much exercise done since I had to slow down and walk to accommodate Milkie. However, it was pretty hilarious. lol

This is why I need to stop thinking that my life can be glamorous lol. It ends up being more funny than anything anyways. And I think I actually prefer it that way haha.

But, this doesn't mean that I'm going to give up on running with my dog. I need to exercise anyways. So, I'll try again! and again and again, until my dog is in a better shape and can outrun me with her short little legs <3.

Not tired,

Hayon

Fun #3: Read Magazines

Sounds simple, right?

Well, I still have my last month's Real Simple magazine hiding away in my car. So, no. not that simple.

So, after tomorrow's finals, I will go to the bookstore to sell my hateful textbooks, and if I do end up getting money for my books, I will proudly buy myself magazines of all kinds and READ THEM.

Well, after I research about the companies I am interviewing for on Tuesday, and THEN I will read them lol. YEAH!

Just the sheer thought of being done with school is just too exciting for me to even study for my finals HAHAHA. not that I needed any excuse to not want to study.

I AM ALMOST DONE WITH THIS EDUCATION THING! until I am crazy enough to decide that I would like to go to grad school.

Just 40+ pages of information crammed into my crying brain.
:'(

What magazines should I get?
Probably Vogue, Elle, this month's real simple, Harper's Bazaar?
OH, a home decorating one, even though for my purposes, blogs are a better bet.

Excited,

Hayon

Fun #2: Have a photoshoot

I've been itching to take photos of beautiful things.
My dad gave me his old-ish dslr camera that he got from his friend a couple years ago, and i've been DYING to try it out!

I want to take the pictures and edit them and develop them and put them in cute little black frames of different sizes and be like them hip white people and put up a bunch on the walls - in lieu of CHANGING UP MY WALL! (and excuse my slight racism, but asians don't do black frames and pictures on the wall in different sizes. lol)

ok, well my end goal strayed from the original goal of photoshoots, but I just got too excited about my potentially changed walls lol.

Love,

Hayon

inspiration:

(black frames, not yellow)

OFD #1: Actually punch someone in the face

OFD: Only For Dreaming.

Yes, this blog is about actually doing things and not pushing things off. BUT, i'm also going to start a list that I just will not be able to do, but REALLY want to.

don't we all wish that sometimes we can just PUNCH someone in the face when they are being extra annoying? That fine line of annoying and tolerable has been crossed?

I probably feel this one too many times, but sometimes people just need to know that they are being "punchable."

HOWEVER, it is illegal to just punch people in the face (unless it's a fight that's being televised.. ugh so archaic. can I just express my dislike for MMA? my bf looooooves it. I, on the contrary to this post lol, dislike violence very much).

ALSO, I really hate physical violence. I avoid watching war-related, gangster/mafia-related movies, except for medieval stuff (but even then it's mostly just LOTR. I love LOTR).

AND, it would hurt ME to punch someone.. and I hate inflicting pain onto myself (sounds like common sense, but you would be surprised how many people don't mind pain.. like getting actual tattoos.. REALLY? I saw my friend getting it once, and it looked pretty damn painful and bloody).

But, seriously, sometimes I just really wish I can actually punch the annoying person in the face.

That's all,

Hayon

P.S. I am probably PMSing, and I have 2 finals on Monday that I have not been studying for even though I was "studying." UGH LIFE! yes yes some people have it harder, but being a selfish biatch that I am right now, I just cannot think of other people's suffering as much as my own. definitely first world problem. :( I will care extra next week when I am free from education!

Fun #1: Change my wall

My walls in my room are pink.
One is pepto bismol pink and the rest are baby pink.
They were freakin awesome colors to choose at the end of elementary/beginning of jr high!!
But, I am now 22. It feels a bit outdated and a bit TOO girly.
And basically I'm sick of looking at the same colored walls that I've had since nearly a decade.

 (it's actually a bit lighter than this, but it's on the same family of pink)

So, I recently moved back home from living alone for 2 years near my school. At first I resisted. A LOT.
Couldn't imagine living back home with my parents for longer than a week. But, financially it just wasn't possible for me to live alone. :(

So I, with a lot of resistance, moved back!

who would have thought that it's SO GREAT?
I kinda love being home.
lol

Everything is nice, clean, and not dark and just great!
I get to see and hug my dog all the time!
My parents are not bad AT ALL!
We get along perfectly fine now!
I mean it's only been a week, so I guess it may be too early to say, but

IT IS WORKING OUT!

But, I was so sick of my room.
So, we rearranged the furniture and got a new closet so I can actually stowaway all the things I've gathered over the years. I am such a hoarder. :(

The only thing just TAUNTING ME everyday is the wall color.
I HATE IT.

I dreamt about changing it.

But, when I suggested that we repaint it, my parents were like ummm no. that's WAY too much work.
:'(

So, now I am looking for ways to change up the room--whether it be wallpaper, tapestry, fabric, canopy...
I DON'T CARE!
I NEED THE PEPTO BISMOL PINK OUT OF MY LIFE. NOW!

Ironic that I'm calling the list the "fun" list, since I am pretty stressed about it. But, I'm sure I'll learn to enjoy the process after I'm done with my finals. I'm pretty sure the real source of my stress is getting done with school.

Peace out (A town),

Hayon

Meltdown

Ok. Meltdown is a bit dramatic, but I guess Chris doesn't call me a drama queen for no reason.

I have been experiencing my quarter-life crisis for quite some time now, especially after I realized that I am graduating with no particular plans and no particular goals.

After every dreadful graduations, I knew where I was going--next stage of school. duh. But, I am now graduating college in a week, and I am freaking out.

I don't know how other people are handling their grad realization, but I am handling it TERRIBLY.

My poor bf did not see this one coming, lol. poor guy. oops!

And of course, I was supposed to be "studying" for my finals which I cannot emphasize how little I care about them (even though at the same time I am stressed out beyond belief for.. so what a freakin' conundrum), which means I was on facebook and pinterest. And I said in my head (because I am alone in my room and avoid talking to myself just to prevent the onset of insanity), "I can totally do this at some point" when I came across studded blouse. And by "do," I meant I can totally stud up my old jean dress which I realized could look "hip" now thanks to the vintage trend.

Then, it hit me.

I say that ALL THE TIME, annoyingly.

I was so consumed by everything else in life that I forgot to just do things. Or maybe I never did things.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am CREATIVE! I am FUN! I HAVE SKILLS! I CAN DO THINGS!

So in my finals delirium, I am starting this blog.
Because I am SICK of not finishing what I start (other than education and movies and books), I will make a "bucket list" of some sort. I really don't want to call it that because things that will be mentioned aren't really my "dying-to-do" list. it's more like "oh let's give myself some credit for doing the little things."

So, my love for crossing things off the list and my newfound passion to start and finish something a little extraordinary, I'm going to do this.

First one on the list - Blogging about something cool!

With hope and doubt,

Hayon